Okay so it’s been a long time since I’ve even thought about writing, but right now feels like a good time. The last 3.5months has been a blur of ups, downs and lots and lots of post baby hormones! Tiny is coming up 4 months already and woah hasn’t time just flown by? With each day my mini princess is growing and changing, she’s really starting to take note of the world now. With the rush of love and other emotions of happiness come the not so good feelings. Luckily this time round I seemed to have escaped the lows of post natal depression. I control my anxiety better these days, and don’t worry over the kids so much although I seem to find myself feeling anxious about random things, for apparently no reason. I don’t even realise I’m feeling anxious sometimes until I’m sitting cleaning the skirting boards at 10pm because I can’t sleep until they’re done, another story for another day though!
So much has been going on and I wasn’t too sure about sharing, but I think sometimes these things are taboo and need to be spoken about more. I don’t want to get into too much detail but for the past 3 months I’ve been finding myself resenting my marriage and generally finding myself regularly unhappy and feeling unloved and under appreciated. Generally, we don’t tend to argue, I shout and he listens! After taking some time, him staying with his dad were trying hard to work on the relationship. After all I didn’t want to throw things away for seemingly no reason, he deserved a chance to prove to me things and change and I certainly didn’t get married for it to end less than 3 years later. No one tells you the strain placed on a relationship after three children, it really does take its toll with the same old routine, the same old school run and the same old dinner, bath, bed for the kids… then spending the rest of the evening sat on opposite ends of the sofa, watching crappy TV basically ignoring each other while we’re engrossed in the depths of social media. I must say, I’m not sure why relationship problems seem to be so taboo. Why should people shy away and hide their problems? It’s pretty common knowledge that no relationship is perfect – anyone who claims their relationship is, well… they’re probably lying! We all like to live our perfect lives through social media but it’s not always what it seems.
Something that come up when we spoke was how he wanted things to be like when we first moved in together, well three children later I’m not sure that will ever happen! I have spent the last few days thinking of things we can do to spend more active time with each other. It’s pretty hard when you’ve got a husband who works long hours 6 days a week to find the time for each other but I’ve decided it’s time to redecorate. We’ve been going on and on about redecorating and we have a long list of things to do and there has always been a reason why. I woke up this morning decided today was the day and we headed out to b&q to choose some paint! Husband has spent the day sanding the bathroom & painting while I supervised, obviously. I’ve chosen a light grey colour for the bathroom… much to husbands surprise, he knows that I would have the house various shades of grey if I lived here alone! Maybe if I get a chance when I don’t have a toddler hanging off my ankle I might get chance to post an update on our bathroom redecoration! But we’ll see, I’m not the best at finding time to write!