When I was pregnant with Little it was my dream, like many mums I imagined to be able to stay at home instead of returning to work. The thought of not returning to work was great, I relaxed my whole maternity leave not worrying about how many months I had left. Eventually my pay stopped and despite thinking we would manage, we certainly couldn’t.
I’ll be the first to admit I am awful with money! I like to believe I’m careful, but I’m not. Only today I’ve spent money on things I don’t need… Me and little took a little trip to Sainsbury’s after lunch, I managed to spend £28 and I’m not even sure what I bought!!! While daddy can pay the bills, I quickly realised my income funded our luxuries. I don’t mean holidays, tons of days out because we’re too bad with money to save…. but the coffee’s I grab when I’m out, the branded groceries – which I don’t really buy anymore, and the odd items of clothing for the boys which I pick up just because they’re cute. The odd savings we had were quickly wiped out. So I had to get a job again. The prospect of this was daunting. I choose to take on a temporary job over Christmas to tide us over. But when that ended the issues were still there and I went back to my old job.
I’ve been back since the beginning of January and although I had my reservations, a lot had changed, new faces etc I’m finding myself surprisingly okay about the situation. Turns out being a stay at home mum isn’t quite for me. Going back to work has given me some independence, time where I’m not mummy. I’m finally getting a much needed breathing space! It took a while to come to terms with going back to work. But simply I can’t hack this stay at home lark. I wish I could, but I’m boring. I lack ideas of things to do with the boys. If I’ve had a bad day I count down the hours until work… arrive at work and count down the hours until I’m home. I like spending money, maybe a bit too much!
I miss my boys dearly for the whole time I’m there, it’s only 4 hours in the evening, but after a bad day… knowing daddy is dealing with bedtime and there’s nothing he can do about it because it’s his turn!
Yesterday’s stressful day called for icecream before work…